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5.Rudeness.
7.Empathy.
Here are some points to keep in mind about silence incommunication.
If you want to become an excellent and effective communicator,study the uses of silence. When we choose to allow silence, andwhat we do when it's presented to us, tests our communicationabilities.
6.A listening space.
Sometimes when we're listening to someone else, we hearsomething that leaves us speechless because it really goesbeyond words. Listening to someone [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] talk about a dreadful traumathey've endured, or a beautiful, almost-sacred interaction withanother human being, or a description of an awesome naturalevent such as a sunset or a volcano eruption are examples.Somehow when we listen to such things, the ordinary "Oh" and"Wow" and "That's awesome" don't seem enough, and so we fallsilent.
While it's almost never an indication of indifference, silencecan indicate that the other person is having negative emotions.When we experience anger, fear, or embarrassment, our thinkingbrain shuts down. We sit there fuming, unable to speak. Enragedand unable to find words. Afraid and scared speechless.
We indicate this to the other by being slow to respond and notjumping in to words. Sometimes sounds are more attuned ? amurmur, a sigh, sucking in the breath in shock, soothing, cooingsounds, clucking, or shaking the head and going uh, uh, uh.Similarly, we use the sound "hmmm" when we are deep in thoughtcontemplating what the other has said.
The more introverted [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] your communication partner, the more likelythey will think before they speak. Extraverts discover whatthey're thinking and how they feel by talking. Introverts figureit all out inside their own head and heart before giving voiceto it.
Excellent communicators: ?Can allow silence when it's effectiveor called for ?Avoid being pressured into "spilling" whensilence is used manipulatively [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] ?Offer silence as a gift or signof respect ?Interpret the silence of others appropriately?Understand the way other people and other cultures use silence?Mindfully regulate the use of silence in a conversation ?Arecomfortable with silence and understand its many uses
Why? Because it's conventional in US society not to allow anysort of extended silence in a conversation. It is common in somecultures to do this, but not in the US, and this use of silenceis one of the things that can cause multicultural strain.
It's kind of Zen-like to say this, but one of the most importantparts of any conversation is the silence. Silence can serve manyfunctions in a conversation and how you manage it determinesyour level of sophistication in communication.
1.Allowing silence in a conversation puts pressure on the otherperson.
Because of the nature of normal conversation in the US, allowingan extended silence can be perceived as rudeness, and even meantthat way. Refusing to reply to the other person is a way ofignoring them.
2.Silence can indicate hostility or disagreement.
You can learn to give this sort of eye contact to someoneintentionally. It's part of knowing EQ and being mindful. Andwhat a gift! It says, "Open up. I'm here. I'm listening. I wantto hear what you have to say, and to understand."
Some people are completely "flooded" by such emotions. Think ofa teenager, for instance. They are prone to withdraw into sullensilence rather than using constructive discontent techniques,talking [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] it out, and keeping the connection going.
When you are profoundly listening to someone, you create an openspace for them to talk that's almost palpable. Good listenersknow how to do this, and it can be learned. It's an opennessthat you transmit through nonverbal means. Study emotionalintelligence and nonverbal communication, and you'll pick up onthese cues better.
3.Silence can indicate profoundness, [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] such [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] as respect, awe orhorror.
Silence can be an indication of empathy. When we are reallytuning in to how the other person is feeling about what they'resaying, we're listening more to the tone of their voice, cadenceand speed rather than the actual [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] words, and so replying withwords may not be the attuned response.
4.Silence can indicate contemplation.
Our pupils expand when we see something we like, and contractwhen we want to shut something out - thus the "slanted pig eyes"of someone who's furious. If you're not mindful of this, it'scompletely automatic (unconscious) and so reveals a lot to theother person who is savvy about it. However, with practice youcan bring it more under mindful control.
However, in conversation between two peers [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] and equals, it'sexpected both parties will contribute to the conversation, andthere will no glaring silences. If there are any, it causesdiscomfort - in some cases even physiological pain.
This is one tool that some therapists use. Allowing silence toexist between the therapist and the client, put pressures on theclient to say something. This is also a tool investigators use.When you're subjected to this sort of silence, it feels likepressure, and you're likely to blurt something out! And it canoften be the one thing you don't want to say.
For instance, if you really are giving your undivided attentionto someone else, your pupils will widen. This is a sign [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] thatyou're willing to "let it all come in," in the same way thatopened pupils allow more light to come in.
Therefore some people in power use this ploy, such as aninterviewer. An experienced interviewer may let a silence hang,just to see how the person being [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] interviewed conducts him orherself.
For instance, in some cultures, if you are a young person andwant to talk with a person to talk with a person of authority,you are expected to approach them and wait to be recognized. Youaren't supposed to speak until [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] you are acknowledged. This sortof silence is a sign of respect. It's akin to, "Children shouldbe seen [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] and not heard," if you remember that phrase from longago.
TAKE HOME POINT
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